7 days to 7th

Ya Rabb,

I pray for my future husband,

I pray for his heart,

May You continue to mature him, and reveal Yourself to him in mighty ways,

I pray that he & You have a deep relationship, that he comes to You and is vulnerable about the things he is facing in life,

I pray for a blessing over his kind heart,

Pls remove any temptation that is attempting to make him fall,

Guard his heart and cover him with your peace,

I pray that you are moving his life & he is willing to address his emotions & doesn’t push them away,

Soften his heart so he is willing to yield to you in humbleness,

I pray that when I finally become his wife, our love for each other would be for the sake of You.

May You continue to blessed our marriage and unite us in goodness always until Jannatul Firdaus.

Amin ya rabbal alamin.

a reminder to surrender

Imam al Shafi’i understood this notion of “surrender” extremely well. He said, “My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me.” And Who knows better what is meant, or not meant for me, other than Allah SWT? 

Allah SWT has already worked out a solution for me for the problems I’ve only started to worry about.

When we lay down our mess and run back to Him, admitting with humility that we are in utter lost without His Guidance and Help, that’s surrendering.

And with that surrendering, will our hearts then finally breathe easy, and be at rest. 

“Ya Allah, I pray that whenever we feel burdened with the stresses of this world, may you grant us the patience to reflect, the consistency to engage, the strength to surrender and the wisdom to trust You. May we always find rest with the remembrance of You.”

And persevere for ˹the sake of˺ your Lord. (74:7)

One particular line that I remembered from Imam Omar Suleiman’s talk I recently attended was;

“Tawakkul is the oxygen of your du’a”

To make du’a is one thing, but to have that tawakkul and trust in Allah after making the du’a is another thing.

This is not an easy feat, I can attest to that. But I hope we don’t easily give up and find comfort in the following:

Sayyidina Umar Ibn Al Khattab RA once said, “When I make du’a, I only concern myself with the ability to ask, not the answer”

Our Iman goes up and down, so how do we remain consistent in making du’a?

Imam Omar reminded us that making du’a is part of our mujahadah (struggle) against our nafs. It is inevitably an ibadah. He also added that if Allah allows and inspires someone to make du’a, it means that He did not deprived them from making that du’a. Any time that Allah allows your tongue to move, then know that He wants to give you something.

Imam Omar also reminded that the outcome of the du’a shouldn’t be our concern and shouldn’t discourage us from continuing making the du’a.

He said that you shouldn’t be worried if you’re not seeing the answer. You should be worried if you’ve completely gave up from asking. That’s where you should really be afraid.

Let Allah give us the gifts that He sees fit, not what we want. Trust Him. Allah will move mountains for you if you trust Him the way He should.

Quran (28:24). Make Du’a > Have Tawakkul > Surrender your heart > And just let God

After getting what you prayed for, don’t forget to also pray for the wisdom to keep it and be grateful.

For in Allah’s infinite mercy that the gifts were given to you in the first place.

a museum of lost words

this whole experience has been a humbling one, alhamdulillah.

referring to my few previous posts, it has also made me a lil poetic.

and made me feel guilty for all the days when I was impatient and complaint a lot to Allah.

indeed His timing and plans leaves me in awe.

if you ask me, up to this point even I couldn’t believe it…so unexpected.

but here I am, on this journey that I’ve prayed for, for the longest time.

Ya Allah ya rahman ya rahim, make this easy for us.

we call on Your beautiful names Ya Allah to continue purifying our intentions throughout this process.

I rely on Your beautiful and best plan for me.

May You bless our sincere efforts dearly Beloved.

Amin ya Rabb.

Dear M

suddenly the lines all blurred together

like too many pancakes on a pan

and after hearing your laugh

I became your mother’s biggest fan

she had brought to life a work of art

and maybe it’s too soon to say

but you made it felt right and decided to stay

definitely one of a kind

and I’m tested by distance and time

patience, may He grant it in our hearts

until the day we would not be apart

may we be the coolness of each other’s eyes

in His blessed timing we pray

Insha’allah one fine day

Sincerely, A.

kismet.

she has a bookshelf for her heart and ink runs through her veins

she’ll write you into her story with the typewriter in her brain

her bookshelf’s getting crowded with all the stories that she’s penned

of the people who flicked through her pages but close the book before the end

and there’s one pushed to the very back that sits collecting dust

with its title on her finest writing “the ones who lost my trust”

there’s books she’s scared to open and books she doesn’t close

stories of every person she has met stretched out an endless rows

some people have only a sentence while others once held a main part

thousands of inky footprints that they’ve left across her heart

you might wonder why she does this, why write of people she once knew?

but she hopes one day she’ll mean enough,

for someone to write about her too.

by e.h

30 before 30.

  1. Finding balance between hopes & expectations is a cardio for the heart & mind, but necessary
  2. Even if it doesn’t make sense, trust the process
  3. Beauty might attract, but righteous character is forever beautiful
  4. Being delayed is a blessing, it happens so that you can be better prepared for what’s to come
  5. Hold on to the belief that everything happens for you, not against you
  6. Everyone is different. We see value in different things because we have different values
  7. Begin everything with good intentions and bismillah
  8. A prayer never goes wasted, never
  9. You don’t lose everything when you sin, you lose everything when you refuse to seek forgiveness
  10. Blessings are not always obvious, but looking deep and realizing that you’re blessed is a blessing in and of itself
  11. His timing is just the right timing for you to have what you are asking for
  12. At the end of the road of patience, lies beautiful things, which makes the journey of waiting, worthy & beautiful
  13. Engage in deep reflection – the purpose of life
  14. Get comfortable in solitude, make it useful
  15. Stay productive and active, keep that brain working and that body moving
  16. Let your stomach breathe, fasting Mon & Thu is the key
  17. Smile, even to yourself in front of the mirror
  18. Practice gratitude regularly
  19. Take care of both body and soul, they feed on different types of food
  20. Read Quran everyday (at least 1 page)
  21. Do you want it right away, or do you want it the right way? Your call
  22. Patience is grieving with perspective
  23. Everyone’s iman goes up and down, but the key word is try, and try again
  24. There’s someone else’s rezeki in yours
  25. It’s not rejection, it’s God redirection for something better
  26. Learn to see the world through eyes unclouded by hate
  27. In order for good things to come your way, you must believe you deserve them
  28. Prioritize your needs, your body tells you everything you need to know
  29. Your job is there to serve you, to try to figure out who you are, who you want to be. If it’s making you grow, developing & molding you to be the best version of yourself, stay. If not, leave
  30. Let go, surrender to Him. Life is too short & temporary to dwell in the past and worry about the future

A letter to a dear friend that I will never meet again in this life.

Dear K,

The last time we met, was 5 years ago. I organised a small gathering with few other close friends at a Halal Japanese Restaurant slightly further away from Osaka city. Weird, how it feels like that moment just happened yesterday.

When we parted, I had always thought it was not the final goodbye because we made plans to visit each other. Either I come back to Japan or I meet you in Taiwan or you would come visit me in Penang. Sure enough it was never a goodbye between us as we kept in touch sharing updates with each other once in awhile.

Let’s just say, little did we know of the future and our plans just stayed as plans.

I’m glad my last few words to you were ‘miss you too, hope to see you again’.

That’s the thing my dear dear friend, we will definitely meet again. Just not in this world.

Is it selfish for me to say I envy that you’re now in heaven hanging out with the angels? The only reason I’m letting this envy go is for the fact that you are no longer in pain and that you may now rest eternally well. I’ll miss you till the day I see you again but until then, i’ll cherished all the wonderful memories we’ve spent together back in Japan.

Thank you for being the kindest person that you are.

Love, A.

light upon light

As I walked into the new year, I didn’t bring with me any resolutions but just pure intentions.

And that intention would be to continue believing in His perfect timing while I do & give my best.

Last year taught me to be honest with myself. To look at myself inwardly and ask hard questions on vulnerability and accepting the truth of my reality. I let myself cry and take my wounds out on a date and ask them why did it hurt so bad? I learn to not only be empathetic with others but also more sympathetic with myself.

I learned that happiness & healing comes in waves, I learned that I am always a work in progress and that I deserve time to figure things out on my own term & pace. Change is the only constant, and with every challenge comes change.

My 2022 WOTY is Aafiyah which is an all encompassing word referring to overall well-being in every aspect of life. I would like to strive only for His sake and not pressure myself of unnecessary worldly affairs. Dunya is temporary but putting in sincere & consistent effort to live, still counts.

There’s always some pressure to become a greater version of yourself, to proof the worthiness of your existence. And then there’s that anxiety of feeling like you’ve not done enough.

Woah, no no.. lets chill out, we’re not inviting anxiety to our new year’s party.

I do not want to waste time comparing lives. Let the grave & death be my motivation to live my every day with good intentions because I am my only competition.

I came across a video by Elizabeth Gilbert which I will quote, “You are not required to justify your existence on earth through constant improvement, you don’t have to earn your right to be here by putting yourself to higher & higher standards, you just got to be here, you belong here, you are loved on earth”

You just get to *exist*.

And here’s to existing! *insert champagne glasses clinking emoji*

Happy New Year 2022!